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My wife have this recurring joke about relationships. We call it "picking a car fight." 

A car fight happens when a couple is at a party or some public gathering and one half of the couple embarasses the other, or snaps at them. The couple goes through the rest of the public gathering with a tension building between them. Once the couple gets into their car and once they are on their way the tension erupts where neither can escape. This is universal. Every couple I know has experienced a car fights. Part of the game my wife and I play at parties is "spot the upcoming car fight". A man telling an embarrassing story about his wife. Check, that's going to be a car fight. Someone snaps at their spouse over an imagined slight. Check, that's going to be a car fight.

There's something about a long drive somewhere, when you don't have media blasting to distract you, or other people to put on a happy show for that leaves nothing but the raw emotion. Everything that has been simmering comes boiling over.

What about your relationship with God? What about when you're disappointed with Him? I know a "good Christian" isn't supposed talk about these things. But this is life. When He decides to remain silent for a season to teach you patience when you desperately need an answer. When He says "no" to something you feel like you need. When friends and family seem to turn their backs and you feel like God is silent too. What then?

About a month ago I had what can only be a car fight with God. So far 2013 had been a terrifically difficult year for my wife and I, financially, spiritually, with work, losing loved ones. You name it, it had been a struggle. And then the capper: my house flooded when we were on vacation. That morning I had met with a contractor before work to get an estimate on the first thing I needed to do before rebuilding walls, laying carpet. I need to waterproof the basement. I had prayed and hoped and begged for something reasonable. The estimate came in on a couple of thousand more than what the insurance had paid. Before doing anything else I was in the negative.

I thanked the contractor for his time. Told him I couldn't afford it at the moment and began my drive to work. While there in the car, I finally let all of the building frustrations of the past year out towards God. The straw had broken the camel's back. I told Him I felt let down, I felt abandoned. Like I had put my trust in Him and been put to shame. My tone became accusatory and angry. Frustrated tears streamed down my face and for the first time in a lifetime of belief I emptied my heart of every frustration, every disappointment, every time I had felt like He had let me down. I was no longer sweeping it under the rug and saying "Your will be done" and swallowing my disappointment. 

I talked and talked until I had run out of words. His gentle response still floors me to this day. That quiet, still small voice said to me...

 "Son, now I know that you truly love me."

I didn't just pack up and walk about away, I didn't ignore my hurts. But like one in a relationship with someone I truly love I had a car fight. I expressed every ugly and honest part of me. And God loved me anyway...and knew that I loved Him.

The man that the Bible calls "the man after God's own heart" was so brutally honest with his disappointments with God when he wrote the Psalms. That is what that moment was for me. A Psalm. A brutally ugly moment of honesty followed with "still you are my God and I will follow you."

I encourage you, have a real and honest relationship with God. Not just giving Him your best, but giving Him your worst as well. Because He wants all of you, honest and true. Write a psalm, give Him what you have been hiding from both Him and yourself. That moment was so healing for me and I'm betting it would be healing for you too.

7/5/2013 01:44:42 am

I love this part of having a relationship with Him. You let your ugly out and He still loves you and doesn't judge you for it. reading this blog makes me love Him all over again :-)

David Helms
7/7/2013 12:32:33 am

Wow Gina, that comment makes all the writing I've done worth while. It really means the world to me! He really is an amazing God to love even our worst.

7/5/2013 11:37:44 am

A wise person once told me -or I heard somewhere- that God is big enough to handle all our anger and words of frustration and still love us. Do you remember that song SC Chapman had years ago " God is Still God" - Yes He is! Pray from here on the year is greatly blessed!

David Helms
7/7/2013 12:33:49 am

And I am blessed to be raised believing in such a big God. A God big enough to handle my childish temper tantrums. Love you!

7/7/2013 02:12:08 pm

LOVE this! :)

David Helms
7/7/2013 10:59:04 pm

Thanks so much for reading Mrs. B! I honestly think this is a more common experience than people admit to. But some won't admit to it out of shame, but that's okay. Maybe we're all waiting for the happy ending before sharing. and that's okay too. Thanks again for the comment love! it's means allot to me :)

7/10/2013 04:34:16 pm

Cool 'car fight' analogy. wow. my car fight with God seems well on its way. knowing that its not just about giving Him my best, but my worst as well, is hard, but i desire to have a real honest relationship with Him.

David Helms
7/11/2013 11:33:55 pm

We are taught that our worst separates us from God, that's why it's so hard. But it is amazingly freeing to know that even with our worst He loves us the same!

7/19/2013 09:51:56 am

Andy Hull, the lead singer for Manchester Orchestra calls this "Shaking it Out". That is, the angry prayers with God. He often does it in his car as well. It is a good place to trap people and yell at them. That sounds so kidnapper-ish.

I get it, friend.


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