I was petrified that I would miss my calling. Scared that if I chose wrong then I would miss what I was made for, terrified that I would lose my destiny.
So I did nothing.
I took a job to pay the bills. I took a job that I was good at, but didn't leave me fulfilled. Ends were met, bills were paid, still I waited for God to show me what He made me for. I felt allot like a coffee mug that was holding pencils. I was good at holding pencils. None of the pencils dropped. But I wasn't made to hold the pencils. I was made for something else. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing my purpose.
One morning I was getting ready for my day, doing nothing in particular when I felt that "still small voice" inside me ask a very simple question "What if I don't tell you what to do?" it asked "What if you choose what you want to do and I will bless what you choose?"
The choice was on me and I found this terrifying. I was petrified by pressure. What if I chose wrong? What if I picked something that I hated? The problem was I had forgotten how to dream.
When we are kids dreaming comes easy. We play at being firemen, policemen, astronauts. When I was a kid I used to say "When I grow up I'm going to write a famous comics strip." It wasn't a struggle to dream.
The problem is we get so weighed down by disappointment that we stop dreaming. We stop hoping for good things because if we don't expect good things when won't be disappointed when they don't happen. We prepare for the worst and then wonder why our lives seem like nothing good ever happens?
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
If I'm honest with myself I dream of being a writer. Will I ever make money at it? Someday, I hope. I allowed myself to dream that one day I will pull a paycheck with my words.
Until then I can still write. I can still get better at my dream. I can put in the hours and hone a talent.
What dreams have you forgotten? What is inside of you that you have tried to suffocate with practicality?
As my favorite author once said:
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."