photo credit http://dailyshotofcoffee.com
A couple of moths ago I had the opportunity to have coffee with a writer whose work I very much admire. We sat in the crowed Starbucks and chatted about being married and having dogs and being insanely jealous of other writers but in the best way. 

As we sat and sipped our coffee I began to pick his brain about what life is like for someone who writes for a living. We commiserated over the frustrations of writer's block. (I lamented the blank page, he referred to the blinking of the cursor as mocking laughter.) We laughed about the way we obsess over crafting the perfect paragraph. Then I said to him "Well, all of this is a little more serious for you as a professional writer." He chuckled and looked down at his coffee and replied "If you want to call me a professional writer."

I sat back and thought to myself, it never really goes away does it? This insecurity. This guy has two books out, sold in major bookstores all over the country with a third due next year. He has a contract. He travels and speaks all over the country and he still struggles to think of himself as a professional writer. 

I tell you all this story because I haven't updated this blog in almost two months. It's not really writer's block. Not really. I have ideas. I have a notebook I carry with me with pages full of sentences that carry the seed of a full post. I have evernote on my phone and am able to capture the idea as it pops into my head before falls out again and scatters to the ether.

The problem lies more in motivation. The willingness to sit at my computer and mine my soul for gems, to get my hands dirty in the muck. To ignore the distractions and simply create. 

To me the hardest sentence to write is the first one.

I always ask myself, who do I think I am? Who am I to broadcast my opinions to everyone. What makes me think anyone would want to read it? Why should anyone read it?

I promise you that I am not throwing a pity party. I'm not looking for encouragement or a pat on the shoulder. I'm simply being vulnerable, for good or for ill. 

In my dreams I think of myself as a writer, but working more than hours at a job with over an hour commute each way, I probably don't have much left for me. 

Hopefully I'll get it together, start posting on a regular basis. Find my voice, find my audience. Write a full length book. I pray that I do. We'll see.

3/18/2013 09:04:19 pm

Finding the time to write can be the hardest part, for me anyway. I just came back to writing on my blog after about a month off. Things got hectic at work and in my ministry, and I just didn't have time. Not to mention I also have an hour commute to work each day. I think it comes down to realizing that I may not be able to publish something each day, but to publish when I can. Hoping you find your rhythm and your voice soon!

3/19/2013 12:10:04 am

Do it Just Do it! - do it for MaMa - she always wanted to write a book.

3/19/2013 11:19:18 am

I GET IT! Only, for some reason, I don't have any problem telling people what I think. "I'm Jake, so listen to me." is not an uncommon thought. For me, it's making sure that I have a sense of credibility in the things that I spend my time writing. I feel like I have to learn more, study more, maybe start citing sources FOR A FREAKING BLOG. Maybe that's another facet to "Who am I to say...."

I have more than a hundred unpublished posts on vML, for that reason. or because people in my (former) community would have found them treasonous and fighting over things I wrote made me weary.... I just don't know. POST MORE OR I'LL BEAT YOU. Mostly kidding.

On another note, I have a six hour layover in Chicago in June... it'd be bomb to meet up, but that's up to you.


Leave a Reply.